Jennifer Lalk

Why I will never ever stop dreaming! #creatingachange

Thu, 16 Sep 2021 16:00:51 GMT

Never ever stop believing in miracles, because they will turn into your reality if you never stop working towards your dreams !

Hello SUPERHERO :)

Is it hard to dream? Honestly, I don´t think so, but it really depends on where you are living and how your life is atm and for sure, how strong your inner strength is already. I experienced, that the people in Australia have always been very suportive, positive-minded and fullfilled with so much good energy that everything seems to be possible. No matter where I started to tell someone about my visions, missions and all the dreams/ goals I wanna achieve in my life, they said: GO AND GET IT! NEVER EVER STOP DREAMING AND BELIEVING IN YOURSELF and please promise me/ us to NEVER EVER LISTEN TO NEGATIVE PEOPLE, because they will try to break that positivity, enthusiasm and your lust for life down. NEVER EVER let that happen, babygirl. ALRIGHT? Alright !!!

Back in Germany, the opposite was the case. The majority of the people here is conservatively, small-minded and I would say more negative/ stressed than happy and satisfied. And that sucks! I am not joking, I just hate negativity and all the not questioned "advices" so much, because they usually make absolute non-sense, are full of the fears and doubts from other people while they are also trying to give you a bad feeling about your MISSION, kinda like that they are 100% sure, that you will never ever succeed. I always feel like I am in a prison when I stuck at my hometown (the pandemic is everywhere and where I am living atm, the whole november is supposed to be something quite simular to the first look-down at the beginning of this year). I usually never listen to the radio or television news, but this information for sure arrived in my head. Gyms and restaurants are closed again, we are not allowed to meet more people than 5 at once and they have to be from max. two households. When I heard the information yesterday, I kinda broke down a little bit. I am very determined about pursuing my acting career. Therefore I trained my body and mind very hard the last 3 months. I have my personal best shape, I ever had and I was proud on the mental and physical progress I made. So logically, I was frustrated. BUT thanks to the universe, this did not last long. I decided to build my own gym in the garage, to continue eating (very) clean, even though this feels just super normal to me know and I absolutely LOVE it!, to go for nature walks, read business books, practise acting and my english and so on and so on and so on. And I will also do an experiment, which I call the "no-negativity-november". This experiment requires an absolute positive, confident and clear mind and because I really wanna be genualiy happy, even though it feels like my dreams are again far far away, I finally wanna live my life while being truly happy. And maybe, we can practise being happy no matter what? I will find that out. I was in Texas during the first lockdown. I wrote my first book and I did my first self-experiment back then. I lived without a phone, not knowing the time and not watching any TV or Netflix really had such a huge positive impact on my life. My head never was that clear before and I never had so much energy and positive feelings inside of me than during this time. It was simply so refreshing. Like living in my own little bubble of happiness and freedom.

OUR TOXIC BEAUTY STANDARDS

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 07:16:15 GMT

HOW DANGEROUS IT TRULY IS

The people who know me since a very long time already, might probably also know how much I struggled in relation to my own body, hardly finding myself beautiful and worthy to be loved... I am probably the perfect example on how hard the beauty standards in the 21th century can destroy your body, heart, mental health and soul.

At the age of 12, I started my first diet, because of a mean comment, I received for my stomach back then in school.

I never thought that this one comment would change my life forever, but it did and I am still recovering from everything I did to my own self.

One and a half year ago, I decided to quit every social media platform including whatsapp. I don´t have instagram, facebook, twitter, snapchat, tiktok and so on. The list of social media apps is pretty long these days. I am only using the apps I REALLY need to have in relation to my work as an actress, author and social activist. As hard as I don´t wanna use them, but I am simply not at the point where my position in this industry is so high, that people know me without all these apps. On the other hand, there are some really good benefits of the possibility and the access to global connection.

I can sadly say, I had it all. Anorexia, bulimia, depressions, anxciety, binge eating, healthy food addiction in combination with crazy food restrictions while being obsessively addicted to working out. Sometimes I still wonder how my body, heart and soul survived all the damaged I did to my own self for all these years. I remember my darkest hours like they have been yesterday, and sometimes (if I allow myself to do so), I can still feel all that pain even though the colors are getting lighter and lighter. First burn-out at the age of 18, second one with 21, thirnd one at the age of 23.

THEREFORE, All I wanna do now, is helping others with my story. To take away any feelings of guilt, fear and shame in relation to any of those (and all the other things I luckily did not had to experience myself)

I wanna be the role model, teacher and speaker my younger self would have need-ed so much. I wanna become that person, people can open up to in their darkest moments without being afraid to get judged, laughed at or rejected.

I don´t hate anybody, because I truly believe in the good of humanity, and I try my best to life a live without having any prejudices. Of corse, it is not always easy and I guess almost everyone can relate to it, but I know that we all become more kind to ourselves and everyone else, it will be possible to become a better, more loving, caring, sharing and healthy human with that so much needed open mind-set in relation to everything that is currently going on in our modern societys and the whole world.

Everyone of us carries it´s own package. No one can see how a person might REALLY FEEL on the inside simply by a look at the face. For sure, sometimes you see all the pain or you feel how desperated someone is, but trust me, people are good in hiding.

I was able to hide it all. Don´t ask me how I did it, because it was the unhealthiest bullshit I ever did and I highly recommand to never ever start doing so!!!! You and up being totally destroyed and lonely and no one truly wanna be lonely in this life.

The only thing you can do is, to focus more and to work more towards your inner goals. Fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, love, health, gratitude, and happiness are all found inside of us. Your heart knows the way and if you focus on what makes you happy and keeps you healthy, you will be able to light up other people´s lifes too. Imagine how amazing this world could be, if everyone would take more care of themselves first and then start to share that healing wisdom, the unlimited love and the inner soul-sparkle.

This world could be the most beautiful society and I wanna be a part of the movement into the right direction.

PLEASE DREAM BIG

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 07:11:13 GMT

YOU CAN AND WILL HAVE IT ALL ! <3

How I got it all back, decluttered my mind and life to find my inner purpose and the strength to believe in myself again.

One of the first questions I am always asking someone I just met is: What is your dream? Or what are your dreams you wanna realize during your life? I figured out very quick, that the answer depends a lot in relation to the background, age and current job of that person. If I ask children, they always tell me their wildest dreams, craziest visions and super funny things they wanna do and I absolutely love it. Kids are so pure and honest and the sparkle in their eyes is something, I will always try to keep forever as soon as I am having my own kids one day. If I ask the usual 9-5 worker (we all know them, so I don´t wana get deeper into their usual daily routines, weekend plans and life motivation in general, because as long as they are happy, I don´t mind anything), the answer is always like: hm, more time and a better payment. Or they just start laughing, because they have no clue what to answer. They simply forgot how to dream and imagine all these things they once did as kids. I guess, that because of our school system, societies norms and the pressure on everybody, who gives us the feeling since primary school, that we are nothing without an official development or an university degree slowly reduces our creativity, positive way of thinking and believing in our own individual skills. We learn so much about chemistry, mathematics or how to analyze a poem correctly and yet almost nothing about life itself. No one in school teaches you something about financial education for example, or how to start and run your own business (LIFE IS A BUSINESS, so everyone is a businessowner simply by being a human!). But what is the worst for me is, that we don´t learn anything about our mind, the importance of gratitude and kindness and how to be confident in our own skin. Topics like spiritual and mental growth, how to deal with life in general in relation to all the things which are sooner or later crossing our way. I don´t understand how they can not even be mentioned? No one helps us to develop our own inner strengths, to trust our intitutions and skills or to discover our naturally given talents to turn them into our future jobs to make sure we will be unconditionally happy. Believe me, we are all so fullfilled with unlimited potential and the only way to be really satisfied in this life is, if we unlock our inner potential box. Honestly, I think I now understand why "they" don´t want us to know all these things. The people who created our work- and school-systems are for sure not dump. They want that the people feel smart, free, important and unique, but they for sure don´t want you to succeed OUTSIDE of their system, because without the majority of the people believing in what "they" say, nothing would work. "They" keep us small and make us anxious with a lot of wrong media news. They create stories, keep us lazy with all the technology and devise more and more unhealthy "food" which causes so many people overweight. That´s why I am always saying: don´t eat so much processed food and don´t take any pills straight away just because you feel a little pain here and there. I believe so much, that healthy food, enough water, an active lifestyle, happiness, no inner stress and enough sleep are almost all we need to stay healthy for our whole life! And LOVE for sure!!

I don´t want to make you nervous or say that everything is a huge trick/ lie, but I highly recommand to educate yourself. Question everything, read more books and don´t believe something, just because the majority of a crowd is believing in it. Always remember: if 1.000.000 people are saying bullshit, it is still bullshit. I stepped away from the crowd. It was defiantly not easy and it took me years to really clear my mind and be able again to think on my own. I guess this is also part of the "becoming an adult" progress, but I honestly think, that there should be no "end of the education or developing progress" in our life. Our whole life is a progress and as soon as we stop moving forward, we are moving backwards. I don´t believe, that there exists anything in between. And I don´t mean that we can´t take any breaks, we need to take breaks for sure, but never ever stop working on yourself for yourself in every single way and direction.

The potential and knowledge is unlimitid.

It is endless.

MY PAST LIFE EXPERIENCES

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 07:08:48 GMT

How was my past and what has it all done with me?

Do I wish my past would have been different? I mean, I for sure did for years, while I was trying to understand why I feel so miserable, lost, insecure, confused, lonely and depressed until I´ve learned to understand that I can truly change the way I feel from within WITHOUT a change from people, places and circumstances from the outer world.

Therefore, today, I can honestly say NO, because it made me so strong, that I know I can help and support so many other men and women with my story, which will hopefully help them to love themselves more, to be kind and friendly to themselves and to not compare themselves anymore. I hope that I can make people believe in their own limitless potential, natural given talents, worthiness for living here and as a result, to treat themselves, the people around and our environment better.

Everyone is a masterpiece of the universe, who is so unique and beautiful and worth it to do everything you can dream of. If you believe in your inner strength, potential for wealth, beauty and health, you will find everything you are wishing for. With patience, love, gratitude and kindness. With wholeheartness and compassion.

I´m in love with nature, especially the ocean and the beach, but I am truly in love with nature in every given way!!

I need to be in the nature, sometimes on my own and sometimes with a friend to feel all the beautiful energy which comes from our earth. (and people!!!)

I also love to feel and practice yoga and meditation, to nourish my body with healthy, plant-based and wholesome foods. I do not really like prosessed foods and am mostly avoiding them. Not because I force myself to do so, but because I understood and started to see FOOD AS MEDICINE. Of corse, chocolate is nice and sometimes I would die for cakes and cookies, but instead of buying them, I either bake it myself or go to a sweet. wholesome food local cafe where I know that they bake it with real ingredients and LOVE <3

I love experiments, challenges and changes.

I could read lovestories for hours over and over again (and I actually do this :p)

For mor than two years, you didn´t find me on any social media platform, because I was living without it all ! :O

(I can almost here your shocked face now, but you´ve read right)

Honestly, I was just bored at the end by scrolling through it seeing all these similiar face tune-faces and unrealistic bodies. For me, this was absolutely not healthy for my mind and not worth it spending my time with. I WANT THAT REAL IMPERFECT LIFE! I was too much influenced by all these perfect lifes, my soul and heart were sick, sad and unfulfilled...I was lost and had no clue about how and where to find my own direction...path for living my life and so on.

Also, I am kinda old fashioned for it, because I love real conversations a way too much and I don´t really like phones in general. (Although with a healthy mind and in moderation, phones are simply SO freaking unseful. They allow us to connect with so many different kinds of people from anywhere, and without a phone, I would never be able to check in with my family and friends so regulary!)

"If my work would be possible without it all, you would never ever see me with a phone again", said my old 23 year old me.

If travelling isn´t the best thing in this world, I can´t imagine what it could be then. Okay COFFEE and food are nice and working out, too, but for me discovering the world within myself, meeting amazing people, connecting globally, getting in touch with diverse cultures, spreading happiness and love everywhere I go, is everything and even more. !!! This is and will probably forever be a fact! I LOVE OUR WORLD <3

Besides my #creatingachange mission, my passion for acting in based on a true story movies, I believe in including UNISEX MODELING more, because I could imagine that so many people these days don´t feel clearly associated with just one sexe (the/ society´s expression, expectations and realizations of it) any longer! If I imagine seeing so many diverse people running down the runway all over the world for GENDER-EQUAL fashion..ahh I am getting goosebumps already! THIS is exciting!! SO keen to see how the fashion industry might realize it one day!

some extra MOTIVATION

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 06:48:29 GMT

Thoughts and actions. How to think and act in real life?

Being successful one day means to start at the bottom of it all.

Success itself is a loooooooooooong road, combined with constantly growing as a person mentally, emotionally and spiritually while staying healthy physically, emotionally, mentally AND spiritually.

It also includes to take every little chance and opportunity you get, to be brave, to take that extra mile and to fight for your rights! (as long as it has anything to do with bringing you closer to your over all goal which should always, at the end of the day, mean the most positive impact for generosity.)

It is important to always remind ourselves of the direction we wanna walk our lifes along, otherwise we might loose our own path and fall apart a way to often. If we don´t have that inner strength yet, we need to work on that!

For me, doing yoga, spending time in nature, painting and writing and taking care of my own body, mind and soul is such a huge thing, because I truly believe that everything we will ever need is already inside of us.

We just have to learn how to unlock our own, unique potential to be able to life our lives to it´s fullest.

Therefore it is seriously important that we nourish our bodies and souls with REAL FOODS, some SOULFOOD and a healthy balance between hard work and selfcare or family time.

I would say that most of us are too afraid and to scared to take the risks or honestly the only thing you really need is time. Time to sit down and to START THINKING about ourselve, our values and the way we wanna create ourself while creating our own life. We all have univers-given talents and some things we are so passionated about that room and time almost doesn´t exist while we are activly doing these things. USE IT WISELY MY FRIEND. The second you truly start to ONLY listen to your inner voices in relation to who you are, you you wanna be and who you wanna become, you will be able to figure this all out.

Believe me, at first it sounds weird and crazy, but if you wanna life a live in which you find true inner happiness and freedem, THIS IS THE KEY to it.

Since I am 6 years, I was already performing on stage with my ballet school and the circus I was a part of. And since then, my passion never stopped and my dream of becoming a professional actress never stopped either. I know that everything you are thinking about every single day for years is worth it fighting for!

NEVER EVER STOP until you make yourself proud. Real success takes more time than you can ever imagine, because it all starts with the hardest part of letting yourself grow while truly starting to discover your inner voices and following your heart. It is not just applying for that job, it is the personal change you need to truly succeed in your life.

Choose your thoughts wisely and take an eye on the people you are spending most of your time with.

Focus more on your inner health while taking care of the foods you are consuming on a regular daily basis. Believe me, you will thank me for that one day.

work in progress

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Sat, 29 May 2021 11:45:58 GMT

"IF we truly want to change this world, then we need to start (w) here it all began: INSIDE OF US." -
The Awareness Raising Revolution for the Century in Independecy

Hello Everyone :)

This artivle here is written in german, because as you might no or not, but yes, I am from Germany and therefore that´s where I started the movement...Almost two weeks ago, I had a press interview with a local newspaper to share my vision, mission and intentions towards the education reform I was planning during the last three years.

I believe in humanity. And I believe that to change it all, to heal it all and to transform it all into a peaceful, loving, caring, sharing and wealthy world, WE have to re-connect ourselves with who we truly are: HUMAN BEINGS with a mind, a heart, a body and a soul.

Most of our education is based on knowledge and the way we learn things in schools is therefore very mind-orientated. Yes, this in general is not bad at all, but what is so dangerous and the reason for SO MUCH!! struggles, diseases, wars, barriers, unequality, fears, violences, griefs, consumption and so on is, that we do not develop our consciousness, strengthen ourselves from within, neither do we learn how to love and that love is the only way to get out of it all.

With working against our natural beings, state of living, let´s call it our all most natural essence of existance, the world how it looks today is the only logical result of our past behaviors!

WHY? Because love is not able to create negativity! Love doesn´t kill, destroy, manipulate, steal, punish, force onesself, other people or our environment. All this has nothing to do with love and who we truly are and about what this here is all meant to be.

The good news: WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT ALL TOGETHER FOREVER FOR THE BETTER!!!

I believe that the perfect time is now and I also believe that we can.

Because we deserve a happy, healthy, wealthy, lovely and peaceful life. Each one of us. A life (w)here on earth which is inspiring, motivating, healthy and simply beautiful. A life-journey, we will all want to remember forever, will tell our grandchildren about one day and enjyoing seeing our youth raising up in.

If this sounds too far away from the current circumstances, then ask yourself why and if you truly believe, from the bottom of your heart, DOES THIS WORLD HAS TO BE LIKE THIS?

If not, please help me to start, develop and establish the AWARENESS RAISING REVOLUTION for EQUALITY IN UNITY WITH DIVERSITY to end the subconscious-mind-controlled Captivity in the 21th Century.

with love,

JEN.

CR3AT!NG - the art of creating art

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Wed, 26 May 2021 13:12:27 GMT

VEGAN HAIRSPRAY ???

We are living in the middle of a global economic-social-education-work-life change and it is very interesting to see how our current cultures establish themselves more and more. Usually, when I notice weird things, I keep them to myself BUT a couple of days ago, I saw a huge V on a Hairspray and thought: WTF?! I mean, Hairspray is probably one of THE worst things for our nature, environment and so on...but I believe that some people will automatically feel better buying it only because it has the vegan symbol on it...

Living in a mixed-religious-lost-creative-isolated-craving love-online World is a challenge. It is exciting to be a part of the whole movement, the tribe, the new era and all the immense diverse growths here and there, almost everywhere...We have such a huuuuuuuuuuuuge desire to express ourselves and to build and create our own content, businesses and lifes. Nothing is as it was before covid broke out and nothing won´t ever be the way it was before. We´ve all slowed down SO much, at least that´s how it feels for me. I took the longest inner rest ever, focusing on developing, exploring and strengthen my inner state of being...and yeah what can I say? It was freaking amazing!!! I found peace and a feeling of being at home in my ownself besides the outer circumstances. I started writing, painting and creating. I started acting and working on realizing my activism mission...I started to engage more with other people than ever before, because honestly, before covid (which forced me to work on my inner state of being), I was living a very poor life, because I had almost no friends, was always stressed, angry and got mad so quickly! Reflecting now how I was just living, being, speaking and almost not listening to other people before the pandemic kicked in, makes me shake my head from right to left.

Gratitude, kindness, patience, compassion, empathy, faith, trust and modesty haven´t been a foreign language to me, but I was just not really living in alignment with the values I was always talking about...knowing something and feeling/ realizing something are two differences we too often see as the same thing.

FORGIVENESS was the hardest state of being I had to learn. I was carrying too much negativity inside of me, stored from the past and combined with future anxieties and insecurities which only forgiveness were able to heal. Letting go of expectations, strict visions and other not very smart and productive rules I´ve unconsciously included into my entire life where energy stealing at it´s finest!!! I was so cloudy in my head that I saw nothing besides endless dust and confusion.

Through acting on set, I can break myself free. Free from my own mind. I absolutely love this feeling and the work, because it feels liberating, peaceful and simply amazing to me.

Writing books almost feels like meditation. Depending on my project, it can for sure variate a lot, but usually I absolutely loose any feeling for space and time while I am writing in my little private book or on my computer. Poems make my heart bleed tears of love, joy and exctasy. Painting while listening to the sounds of nature, feeling the vision in my fingers, being in a total different space, is freedom for me.

With my acting, writing and painting, I express the feelings I feel in the 21th Century. As a social activist, I am working on a reform for our societys, in which equality in unity with diversity is the norm. For some reason, dirty action and based on a true story stories are my thing in relation to acting, analyising current movements which are underlined with real life experiences nourish my writing flow, meditation, yoga and nature build the base for poems and paintings and everything together drives me further into the direction of my life´s purpose I guess. Creating the awareness raising revolution while touching hearts and souls through movies, books, art and speeches.

I truly believe that our natural given talents exist for a reason.

F3male Coffee-Addict

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Tue, 25 May 2021 12:01:30 GMT

WHAT IS ART? WHAT IS FEMININE? WHAT IS?

CONSUMER-CONTENT-CREATER?

I´ve never heard of this before, but it feels real, it feels honest and it probably describes perfectly what is going on in the younger generation in the 21th Century.

AND I LOVE IT. Damn, we are in the middle of writing different history with starting a new era of humanity. This is so exciting, I am excited. I believe we are in the middle of huuuuuuuuuuge changes...changes which will cause the intellect-captive-destructive era from the past to finally come to an end, to create space for something new to rise and shine. Since the past was fulfilled with structure, strict norms, an after world war II work attetude and (education) system, I truly believe that the arts, the mystical, spirituell and creative things, music, paintings, designing and so on will have their peaks from now on...To me, the last century felt like a captivity while now everything seems to feel more liberating, fulfilling, spirituell, creative, meaningful and simply beautiful than ever before.

Something like a re-lived, re-actived gipsy-hippie society back from the 60ties, but more real and longlasting this time...We start to break ourselves free more and more. We build different jobs, ways of living, breathing and exercising simply with DOING IT straight way instead of practicing more and more theory. We don´t want to only be a part of something, we want to create our pa(th)(rt)s.

It feels as if we human beings have finally realized that re-connecting with ourselves from within, other people and mother nature around us while believing in the higher guidiance and protection of god and nature, is liberting, fulfilling and peaceful.

It feels as if NOW would be(come) the time w here we all finally open up our hearts again, free our soul, to let the love of the world and the spirit of beyond flowing through ourselves.

Doing Yoga, practicing meditations, nature walks (we´ve all increased them naturally as a consequence of the pandemic though) and more deep conversations with our families and friends (thank you virus.) forced us to deal with isolation, loneliness and last but not least our own selves. We were confronted with the ones we´ve tried to ignore, surpress and ignore for maaaaaaaaaaaaaany years before...focusing in a very obsessive way on our outer success, money-making for someone else and bringing our bodies in shape with very weird/ dangerous and unhealthy ways made us so busy that we forgot who we are.

EMOTIONAL - SPIRITUAL - MENTAL - PHYSICAL BEINGS. (we aren´t called mental-existances for a reason!)

However, we were subconscious creatures and now we start to awake and this thought all alone makes me goosebumps already!

You can smell the air of change and revolution wherever you go, don´t ya?

I am so excited to see how we will express our so long surpressed unique personalities in the future, and how much we will allow our intution to rule our lifes instead of living by intellect knowledge.

I would say, THUMBS UP for all of us who believe, work and fight for or dream of a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge change; it is already happening and we will successfully turn the captivity in the 21th century into the century of independency.

FOR US and for the future. For Love, Peace, Harmony, Democracy and Equality in Unity with Diversity.

:)

My Book: CAPTIVITY in the 21th CENTURY

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 15:08:29 GMT

CAPTIVITY CENTURY?!
#creatingachange for THE 21th CENTURY OF INDEPENDENCY! <3

„Whoever you are, you are not what they say and I believe in you.“

HELLO EVERYONE.

My name is Jennifer, but most of the people simply call me Jen, and I love that, because it sounds super basic and a bit cheeky, too. I don´t know anything about this life. I only know what I´ve experienced based on the feelings I´ve felt and the conclusions I´ve made. For that reason, I feel responsible to change somethings in our world. I can´t explain why I know it, but I follow my intuition in this case. The world is a mess and our society´s have lost the respect for dignity and humanity. The way we treat each other is almost on the same level on how we treat our environment. Maybe, it´s even worser.

For me, opinions are not necessairy. They are irresponsible, because they create pain, hate, jealousy, anger and war. They destroy the natural beauty of everyone while only expressing something another person thinks about something or somebody else. Thinking means not knowing.

Opinions from other people can´t say anything about ourselves, about the person we are from within. It´s only a mirror of the soul from the other person who has expressed the opinion towards us. Wise people know that.

I´m literally obsessed with educating, improving and challenging myself, because the last thing I wanted was to be educated by the current system of our society.

Therefore, I´ve decided to educate myself. I went to different universities and education schools with the eager want to learn something about life and entrepreneur personalities, but I´ve learned nothing useful to figure this life out.

After four years of trying to fit into something our society has to offer, I was exhausted and frustrated. I had enough! I wasn´t able to identify myself with any given job opportunity or title neither could I saw myself walking the way everybody else seems to follow. Nothing felt right for me, nothing made any sense for me. Since that day which is now more than two years ago, I try to find out the truth behind the loss of identities, the forgotten abilities to make individual decisions and the increasing fears to take on responsibilities for anything in life.

I don´t believe in living a life based on logic. Therfore, I´ve done and I still do many experiments, self-challenges, observations and analysis to create a way how we can transform the captived robot-society back into an independent society with human beings who are living together in harmony and unity with diversity. For me, our society doesn´t feel like a real democracy where equality for the individual human being is the priority.

A very few people rule this world while the majority still doesn´t take any advance of it.

The problem is, we blame them, let´s call them the rich one´s, for having heaps of money, power or material things. We identify them as ignorant, selfish, arrogant or narcissistic although the very few one´s are actually the one´s who are trying to change somethings in our world why we are judging or hating them for earning more money than we do.

Honestly, I believe most of us are deeply jealous of their more privilege life´s and therefore ignoring how hard some people work every single day for staying successful while we are lazy on the coach.

Ignoring everything is the modern way of living. Empathy, honesty, tolerance and acceptance should be(come) the norm. I´ve worked in many different jobs, but no matter where I was, I always had the feeling that somebody else is actually in control about my decisions, life and consciousness. And I don´t like that. Furthermore, I hate it, because it shouldn´t be that way!

ON JANUARY 3, 2019 I finally had the courage to search consciously for my own happiness.

All I wanted was to find out who I am, why I am here and what this life is all about, because

I wasn´t happy for almost twelve years in a row which is exactly the half of my entire life.

It took me more than two years to get my consciousness and soul back. In this book, I want to share my results of the connections between our universe and ourselves as human beings to show you how you can be(come) a conscious and responsible human being again.

Everyone who feels like he, she or it has lost his, her or it´s mind, will probably find out that it wasn´t the mind you´ve missed, it´s your consciousness, the heart and the soul you are missing.

Your mind is just a tool, and should be exactly used like this. Nothing more, nothing less.

The reason for your confusion and unfulfillment is, because you are not aware and therefore not able to live consciously.

I want to give you the chance to understand your own being better to help you be(come)ing the human being you are meant to be(come). I hope so much that you, whoever you are, haven´t waisted too many years of your own life with being somebody you never were. If so, now is the perfect time to let go of being unhappy, unfulfilled and desperated.

You are here for a reason and I´ll help you to find your why, because you deserve everything!

I AM VERY OPEN-MINDED and it is one of my main habits to question everything which is going on in our universe in relation to the modern society. I don´t believe anything as long as I haven´t experienced it myself.

During the last two years, I´ve tried to find out everything why the human being is how he is today, because I was not able to live under the current circumstances, the behaviours and frightening developments of our society anymore. Everything I saw, heard and observed scared me to death! The day I found out why it is so easy for the very few people to take control over the majority of us blew my breath away, because it´s mostly our own faults based on one single fact: Unawareness.

Nevertheless, blaming other people, especially the rich and successful one´s for the miserable life, circumstances and own poverty is very common. Money and power are no excuses for be(come)ing a bad person, neither is their any straight parallel between these two things.

We only think this way but this wrong knowledge is only created by opinions, movies and the media.

You decide who you want to be(come), no matter how much money, power or material things you have. You´re own values, higher beliefs and how you treat other people should define you and nothing else.

The results of my discoveries will hopefully help to repair and

re-build the global loss of humanity, empathy and democracy.

You might call me dreamer and a miracle believer, but I don´t mind that, because I believe that every dream we dream is placed in us for a reason. And from some reason, I still believe so much in the good of every human being that I finally want to bring the Century of Captivity to an end.

IF YOU ARE IN COMA in a hospital your body still functions although you are asleep! We only focus on improving our intellect but never on strengthen emotional and spiritual awareness to get our intuition back. The love of the heart. The inner voices. The dreams. If we would all get our intuition back this world would never look the way it currently does. We can never wake up and stop the mess, if we won´t start getting our consciousness back. NOW.

I want to create the Awareness Raising Revolution to help us and especially the further generations to get their consciousness back. Awareness increases the feeling of being responsible for be(come)ing a better person who leaves a positive impact on other people and the environment. This is one of the most amazing results of it and would change it all! Be(come)ing responsible for our thoughts, words and actions is the needed base for creating a great society for everyone.

We are human beings and no mental-metal-machines. We need to be connected to our roots, beginnings and beings. If we don´t start to re-build this connection, we will completely disappear soon. This change is so much needed, but only possible, if we are all ready to change.

With including emotional and spiritual education into school and university systems of our society´s we would stop further identity-losses and the increasing depression and diseases rates. If we don´t start to change our old behavior patterns, we will soon be lost forever.

THE Human BEING WILL BE a MISTERY of HISTORY.

I WAS BORN IN GERMANY which makes me a non english native. Therefore, I deeply and directly apologize for any further pronounciation and tense mistakes. I´ve tried my best and I hope for your understanding. I remember somethings back from my days in school, but honestly, I wasn´t the most attentive student. My thoughts have always been somewhere else trying to figure something(s)…I hope your interest in finding out why it seems that we are all living in a modern world fulfilled with irresponsible, ignorant, intollerant and externally-controlled robots is strong enough to overlook my mistakes.

I´m not a professional scientist, politican neither an author, so I don´t know if I´m able to express everything the way I feel it from within. I´ve tried my best with scetches and pictures to help you visualize the problems I see.

I really appreciate your time and I hope that the courage I´ll try to give you to get your own consciousness back fulfills your heart and soul with an eager will for be(come)ing a better version of yourself. For yourself and anybody else. You have the right to be(come) a human being again, if you don´t want to exist as an externally-controlled robot anymore. If you open your heart and soul soul wide to this beautiful world we are living in, your life won´t ever be the same again! Let us all be(come) more conscious, responsible, healthy and happy human beings together again. Let us create a society in equality in unity with diversity in the 21th Century of Independency. A Century where the people have a heart again.

Thank you very much for reading what I want to change.

X, Jen.

CONTENTS

________________________________________________________

FOREWORD OUR SOCIETY

INTRODUCTION NEVER GOOD ENOUGH

PART I

__________________________________________________________

THESIS: „CAPTIVITY IN THE 21th CENTURY!“

INTRODUCTION HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HERE?

SOCIETY´S OBSESSION INTELLECT EDUCATION

PART II

____________________________________________________________

ANALYSIS: „ARE WE CAPTIVED AND CONTROLLED?“

LIBERTY MOVEMENT 2 YEARS BREAKING FREE JOURNEY

A. THE UNKNOWN JOURNEY OF LIVING: DISCOVERING AWARENESS

B. BUILDING INNER STRENGTHS: HAVING A MENTOR

C. STAYING ON TRACK: BEING CONSCIOUS

PART III

____________________________________________________________

DIARY INSIGHTS:

I. CAPTIVITY in the 21th CENTURY

II. SEX in the 21th CENTURY

III. LIBERTY MOVEMENT in the 21th CENTURY

IV. BURN-OUT in the 21th CENTURY

IV. INDEPENDENCY in the 21th CENTURY

PART IV

___________________________________________________________

CONCLUSION: „WE ARE CAPTIVED AND CONTROLED!“

THE PROOF THE SUB-CONSCIOUS HUMAN

PART V

___________________________________________________________

THE SOLUTION: „CREATING A CHANGE“

1. BUILDING THE BRIDGE: GLOBAL AWARENESS RAISING

2. STRENGTHEN THE AWARENESS: CONSCIOUS-MINDED HUMAN BEINGS

3. EXTENDING THE EDUCATION SYSTEM: EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL CLASSES

THE RESULT: THE SUPER-CONSCIOUS BEING

PART VI

____________________________________________________________

FOR THE FURTHER GENERATION:

WHAT WOULD I TELL MY YOUNGER SELF?

PART VII

_______________________________________________

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

THANKSGIVING

ATTACHEMENTS

I wanna deliver outstanding acting performances on screen!

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 06:12:40 GMT

I wanna deliver outstanding performances on screen!

Hello everyone ! The lettre you will read below is my cover lettre for submitting to agencies in London. I believe so much, that you can achieve everything if you really want to and if YOU REALLY WORK HARD for it!

And even though, it seems impossible to get, there is always a way YOU JUST NEED TO FIND him. Get creative, I told myself, if you wanna make it, so here we go:

Dear professional talent agent,

I am an athlete since my 5th year of life. I started with dancing ballet in a german ballet school, being an acrobat and juggler in a circus and later on, I did latin american dances. The last 6 years, I spent my daily hours in the gym for overall strength, building up a very good condition and practising my flexibility to stay close to the dilatability I had as a ballet dancer. For me, working out and seeing the changes my body is making on the outside while getting better, faster and stronger consistently from within, is pure joy.

Therefore, I decided to turn my deepest passion for movements, adventures and being in front of a camera into my career. Being on stage was and will forever be an important part of my life, because these are the moments I feel most like myself at all.

Also, I wanna show that women can become serious actresses in a world where nothing else seems to matter anymore than face-tune and plastic surgeries.

I believe so much in hard work, consistence, healthy eating, patience and faith, because I got teached my whole life, that this is the key to achieve longterm success and that is exactly what I want. Since then, I am living really good with following these advices.

Besides the acting and athlete part in my life, I always make sure to educate myself about business, finances, cultures and politics regulary. I really take the Show-Business serious and am not interested in quick success, neither am I one of those who start getting lazy or drunk after they achieved the first results. I make sure to go to bed early whenever I can.

So honestly, all I wanna do in my life is working incredibe hard for being able to deliver outstanding performences on screen.

Therefore, I would feel beyond honored having you as an experienced and very professional agent by my side, because I know that my success is based on your connections and the hard work you did over the last years already to build up that network.

I wish you an amazing day and stay safe during the pandemic.

Yours sincerely,

Jennifer Kim Lalk

I don´t know if anybody will ever read my block neither notice me, but I just have faith and believe. Weird, unknown ways no one ever walked are and will forever be my fave, so I am not afraid of creating my own path. Wish me luck!!

X, Jen <3

How I finally got confident!

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 05:56:41 GMT

How I finally got confident ! #creatingachange

HAPPY SATURDAY <3

Good morning sweethearts! :) It is the weekend and the weekend is FOR SURE made for pancakes, pizza, coffee dates, laughers, family time and nature adventures. I love adventures so much. I am honestly addicted to try out new things, because all I want is growing and growing and growing into a really strong personality. I step out of my comfort zones almost every single day, because I love the feeling afterwards so much and once you really started doing it, you kinda get addicted to all the emotions you receive. I really feel how much every fear I proudly faced, changes me and how it makes me stronger and more confident!

The pictures are from scene number one from my last weeks shoot. I was sitting alone in this little white dress in the middle of a hall. More than 20 people have been around me, not even to mention all the cameras who were looking straight at me and I felt amazing. I am honest with you. One year ago I would never been able to do things like this, because I felt so insecure about myself and I cared so much about other people´s opinions that I was totally blocked from within. Nobody is able to unlock his or hers true potential, if we let other people define who we are, and we will never achieve anything in life if we let other people´s negative comments, fears and doubts into our mind, heart and soul.

I am telling you honestly, if you really wanna be happy and successful, step away from everyone and everything that does not see your true potential and REALLY believes that you are able to achieve your goals and live your dreams. YOU ARE ABLE to be exactly the person you know you are by yourself already. This life is not meant to be lived alone. Therefore, it is super important to surround yourself with positive minded and confident people. Together we are stronger than alone and the more we support each other, the more will our own confidence grow. It is almost an exponential process, believe me.

This week has been mentally very hard and challenging for me. Honestly, on tueseday I was breaking down, because I was so desperated. All I wanted to do was to hew my head against a wall to let go of the pressure I felt in my head. It is really true that, the higher you set your own goals, the harder you have to work for them. But what does this mean exactly? It means that your days are longer, that your doubts are deeper and that you will suffer more than anybody else around you. If you REALLY believe in yourself and that YOU ARE THE ONE who can make it to the top, this is the price you pay.

Prepare yourself every single day to make sure you are 105% ready when you finally get that call. No one is interested in you, if you don´t show what you can BY WORK. Words mean nothing. There are so many beautiful, talented and amazing people out here. The only way how you can stand out of the crowd to get what you want is BY WORK. And that´s why I truly believe that with hard work, you can outwork them all.

Life is a cyrcle so GIVE IT ALL YOU HAVE GOT!

And never ever ever ever give up! Seriously, success is a hard long road, but it will come FOR SURE!

x, Jen

How does it feel to grow up in a toxic world?

Fri, 16 Oct 2020 06:01:31 GMT

How does it feel like to grow up in a toxic world?

Hello amazing human :)

Uff this question is like MY everyday battle. I am 24 right now and I am probably dealing with answering and figuring it all out for more than 12 years already. Yes, I was very early with my development even though no one every really noticed, because I kept it all inside of me, while being such an extrovert person to hide my inner self. (I thought this is so smart for years). Anyway, I wanna tell you how it felt for me:

confusing, painful, hard. confusing, painful, hard. confusing, painful, hard. confusing, painful, hard. conf....

I could go on and on and on. For me, growing up and finding out so many things, while being constantly confronted by other people´s opinion in relation to my body (weight, size, shape), was hard, even more, it kinda felt like a never ending nightmare. I don´t know if that is normal (I guess thesedays you are already confronted with it at the age of 2!), but at the age of 12, I received my first comment to my look which was: your stomach is a big bigger than your best friends one. Uff. That was strange. I felt weird, but it stuck in my head. This was the first day I ever checked my own body and thought, hm, I don´t know if he is right, but I could just start to eat less and see how that feel and what might happen with my BIG stomach. Well, it was gone very quick and I found myself in the middle of an anorexia disease.

Congratulations darling, you did a great job. From there on, everything seems to get worser and worser even though I soon received nice compliments for my thin shape first, but after some more weeks it turned into "uff you are ugly, eat more, you look like a bone". Well, thank you for your advice, but it was too late already.

12 years later, after having probably almost every eating disorder which exists, I understand the reasons. I guess I know where all these things come from and how we can protect the younger generation in relation to this nightmare. For sure, first of all the parents play a VERY IMPORTANT role and honestly, I don´t know if all parents really understand how serious this is. Mine for example where never helping me in relation to all these things. I can only talk about my childhood and I don´t wanna complain about it at all, but I believe, that if you don´t have a strong family background, with parents who are educating you constantly about life, you feel lost, you get lost and you have it hard to find back on track without falling a hundred thousand times. And when I then start thinking about the school system and the classes we get teached, especially this whole topic (besides some others..) is COMPLETELY MISSING!

Social media has such a huge influence on almost everyone, but no one teaches you how to use it correctly. Mental health is so important and yet so less a public thing! I think, if we really wanna change the world, we need to start making the PRESENT problems public. We need to be aware of what is ACTUALLY really going on in this world.

I received so much rejection in my life, I felt so much pain and I suffered for years. I don´t want that especially the younger generation has to go through it all, too BUT I know that millions of people are already going through it in silence. It is so hard to find out what you really want and who you really are in this life with all the impressions we see, hear and feel every single day. I don´t know how we will be able to get back the real and healthy values, but we have to replace the face-tune and beauty surgery ones. We have to fight for this. Even though I am not a mom yet, I am thinking about my own children and how they might feel growing up in our society in the 21th century and what I feel is pure panic ! It scares me to death knowing what my children will see, hear and feel. For sure, I will try my best to educate them wisely and to make them strong from the inside, but so much is out of our hands. That means, if we are not able to create a society worth it living in, I will probably not able to make my own children, because I really don´t want that they have to suffer so hard.

The reason, I chose the picture you see below is, that I have the feeling that it describes what the majority of the people (doesn´t matter how rich, famous, powerful or what ever they are or think to be) is doing this every day: we smile, we ignore, we pretend that everything is fine even though we know it is not. I truly believe that so many people are so broken on the inside, but still too afraid and too pavonine to talk about it. But I am not. If you step away from it all, deleate social media and stop watching TV or reading the news, If you truly break yourself free from it all, you would be shocked from the second on you realize what is REALLY GOING ON.

It is an uncontrolled, toxic, dangerous, ridiculous, ignorant mess going on and we are all in the middle of the whole party while the majority of us is not even realizing it. STOP BEING F*CKING IGNORANT. Pretending to be fine or that everything is fine is stupid, so you should better aks yourself twice, if you really wanna be that silly person. I am so sorry for my words, but I have the feeling that otherwise no one will ever really listen. We need to change so many things, but I believe that it is not that hard to achieve. If the basics get a touch up, the whole system will heal with time. And I hope that we will all heal and break ourselves free.

Jump on the train of taking responsibility serious. YOUR LIFE MATTERS, so if you don´t wanna do it for other people, you should at least do it for your own self. Your ass is in the game, too my friend and you are not safe either.

Why I had a breast surgery at the age of 21 #creatingachange

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 17:13:36 GMT

Why I had a breast surgery at the age of 21 #creatingachange

HELLO MY LOVE :) , I hope you feel amazing, are healthy and totally happy <3

Today, I wanna talk about how I suffered from my small breast during my teenage years and how sick I was, because of all the mean comments I received in school and the pressure, societies beauty standards puts on everyone thesedays from a very young age on. I also directly want to consider, that it might sound weird to you, how I can be so much for natural bodies, faces and characters while having done a beauty surgery on my own. I just hope that you won´t judge my decision as soon as you know the closer background. If I would had the mindset, which I am having right now, back then, I am not quite sure, if I would have made the same decision. But also today, I can honestly say, I feel good in my skin and I don´t regret it, BUT to me, natural bodies are and will be forever the most beautiful one´s even though I can truly understand the deep desire, which many of us might feel, to change THAT ONE THING that causes us so many years of depression, low self esteem and tears.

Anyway, back to the comment list:

"Look at her, no ass no titties, what a shame!"

"It seems like god forgot to give you boobs while he created you!"

"You look like a platfish!"

"Urgh, you are so unattractive, no man will ever find you sexy!"

"Wait, how many push-up bras are your wearing?"

"You seriously have NO boobs at all. You look like a man!"

"Here, you should better put some socks into your bra to kinda fill it out!"

"Sorry, but why are you wearing a bra at all?"

... and so on. Today, I am not thinking about these comments that much anymore, but you know it yourself, we do not forget what people once told us. We just learn to live with it and let it go to find our inner happiness. Back in school, it was a nightmare. As you already know, I had anorexia for two years directy at the beginning of puberty. So it was just logical that my breast was not growing that much, because I was not eating enough at all. Bullying at school, college or work is very popular. We all know people who did it and victims who suffered from it and if we are honest to ourselves, every one probably said somethings in their lives already which has not been very nice in relation to other people. Bullying itself is a huge problem, especially for the ones, who have no chance to do anything against it. Sometimes it feels like, the victim is just a random person, some people choose to bully, because they are bored. And once "they" chose their victim, it is powerless. I got bullied in school, too and that is a reason why I want to work and create transparency to reduce the power bullying has on the victims and and for the offender. I have the vision that it can be possible to include 2 or 3 more, but globally equal classes in school, which might be:

1. The right social and personal values to create realistic and healthy norms

2. The importance of inclusion, respect and acceptance of everyone

3. Financial education to reduce personal and global poverty

4. Mental health, the importance of real foods and an active live to prevent all types of illness

5. Earth protection: Oceans, forests, lakes, deserts, land and air.

The reson why I believe that everything belongs together, that life is a cyrcle with ups and downs and that so many things are important to live life to it´s fullest is, because nothing is possible without the balance between at least two things. So when I started to think about how I can make a positive impact and what will all come along with my mission of really changing this world, I realized that life is more like a huge rack-weel, which means I had to go deeper into the whole circle.

If I take myself as an exemple and remember how it all started then I know that it was because of ONE COMMENT.

"Jenni, your belly is bigger than your best friends one". This turned into anorexia, anorexia produced the mean comments and my undeveloped breast, that turned into depression, self hate and bulimia. Then it turned into sports addiction, food restriction, deeper depression, a burn-out, low carb diet, low fat diet, breast surgery, fake nails, hairs, lashes, tan, different sports addiction, anxciety, another diet, no confidence at all, hiding, binge eating, desozialisation, feeling uncomfortable, being insecure, freaking out until......

! BREAKING FREE ! BREATHING IN ! CRYING TONS OF TEARS ! LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN ! LEARNING TO LET GO ! FINDING INNER PEACE AND HAPPINESS ! SETTING HEALTHY GOALS ! LISTENING TO MY BODY ! TAKING CARE OF MYSELF ! DOING WHAT I WANT ! CREATING A MENTAL PROTECTION AGAINST HATERS ! BEING PROUD OF THE WOMAN I BECAME !

..and finally being honest to myself and able to keep my voice up for the things I believe in are important, because I really want to stop all these negative, toxic and unhealthy things thousands of people suffer their whole lifes from instead of enjoying every single moment they have. TIME IS LIMITED. We should use it for the good things, for the things that truly matter and count.

I love you all so much and honestly, I never thought I would ever share the before-picture. NO ONE ever saw it. I just took it for myself on September the 5th 2017. Not even my clostest friends or family have seen it, so ashamed felt I for myself my whole life. I don´t want this anymore.

I hope I can give you courage, selflove, confidence, motivation and so much happiness darling, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT and every minute you have negative thoughts is a waiste of time.

Take care and enjoy your weekend as much as you can, because there will never be a 18-20.09.2020 weekend again. :)

Love, love, love and even mooooore love!!!

Jen <3

Why do we judge so much and have prejudices? #creatingachange

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 17:06:26 GMT

Why do we judge so much and have prejudices? #creatingachange

HELLO BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING <3

I had a conceptional shooting a few days ago. The two pictures are one of the first finally edited ones. We did 4 different series in total, if I remember it right. And yeah, lol, we all know my happy self on the other side after the hairdresser :p

Anyway, when I am looking at the pictures, I see two totally different persons. Not mentally or emotionally, just as an observer from the outside. I imagined how people would react to the look on the left compared to the one on the right side and I am 100% sure that the answers to the same questions would be totally different. For me, this shows why judging someone else by the look, body size, hair or skin color, height, origin or what ever people think is an indicator for someones character, is absolute bullshit. Of corse, different backgrounds create different people, but everything we see with our eyes does not say anything about the personality of the person in front of us. Yes, we all have different imaginations of beauty, how we wanna look, what clothes we like and so on and that is totally fine and super awsome if you ask me, because that´s why the world and the human beings are so diverse and unique in every single way, BUT the most important thing is, THAT WE CAN´T SEE REAL BEAUTY with our eyes. We can feel it and we can hear it, sometimes in songs or words, mostly in honest actions, but we also know how many people say something and then do the exact opposite of what they promised us. So how can we define beauty? By a kind character, a lovely heart, a giver attituded and by honest actions, without expecting anything in advance, I guess. Because if you truly believe in something, you go out there, take action and realize what you wanna see or be in this crazy world.

After I truly realized and excepted that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT and that comparison, judgement and all these prejudices we have, because society tells us that this is the way to look, to work, to eat, to train, to life, to laugh, to create a family and so on, I started to embrace the diversity of the people around me, instead of getting mad, when someone was not acting the way I would have acted in that situation. Since then, I am one of the most happiest human beings, because trust me, a life without juding other people, having all these prejudices and gossiping around, is such a wonderful life <3

Let us alll break free from the bullshit no one seriously needs! :p When everyone focus on his own life, while only spreading good vibes in the direction of other people, the world will become a better place. That is a fact and I truly believe it is possible.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I wish you an amazing weekend with all the blessings and happiness you can get! <3 Use it to have the best time of your life and be thankful for every minute of it. The moment is the most special thing we will ever have, because life is going from moment to moment to moment.. <3

I love you all so much and I am just happy you know :)

Big hugs from a small town girl with an open mind and heart for everyone here! :)

xoxo, Jen <3

How beautiful people suffer from discrimination #creatingachange

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 16:59:35 GMT

How beautiful people suffer from discrimination #creatingachange

Guys <3

I need to talk about somethings which are on my mind lately, even though I always try to avoid talking about it, because the majority of the people kinda got it in the wrong way and therefore I got more negative reactions in the past then I was able to deal with on my own.. but honestly, I suffer so much from it over the last years already and Idk, I guess I kinda really need an advice or how to handle it..

I wann give u an example first: the picture was from szene number 1 from monday´s set for the musicvideoshoot and the video in the black underwear was for szene number 2. The black swan, which you saw already, was the last szene, we filmed on that day.

Anyway, the second I arrived on set, totally prepared as always, I brought my own makeup artist with me to make sure, I and the rest of the crew are safe during the covid pandemic, I felt that the female manager (she was also the girlfriend of one of the guys from the rockband) did not really like me. My makeup artist created the first look from home, to save time on set, because it is usually very stressy and the people are already super busy, so we always try to be on point from minute number one, so yes, I arrived totally glammed up. (It should be obvious that I do not look like that on a daily basis..). Everyone was happy with the makeup and the hairstyling, it was meant to be "american beauty" for the first szene and we realized exactly what they wished for. Before the first shot, the female managerin came to me, started some smalltalk and I saw in her eyes, that something bothered her. I asked her in a quiet minute, away from everyone else, and she was just like: "yeah I gained so much weight during the pandemic and I am so frustrated about the whole situation and you should defiantly upload more pictures of yourself with makeup on for your sedcard, because WE just saw you naturally and yeah you look totally different with makeup on".

UFFF, I thought I KNEW IT. I KNEW what her "problem" was. Professional as I am, which means I NEVER give anybody else a bad feeling, hate, complain or whatever, INSTEAD I am always supportive and try to find and use the right words to give the people around me a better feeling about themselves, I tried to "help" her feeling better while being on set with me. Also, another girlfriend from one of the rockband members was there. She was a bit more relaxed, but yeah in the first szene I had to be in the bath with the singer (which was her boyfriend) and of corse she didn´t like that!! ( to make sure, I tell her clearly about the situation on how I see this, I took her aside before we started and told her, that I know she wont like it and that I am sorry for it, but it is my job and I wanna make it good, because I get paid for it AND at the end of the day it is my face, body and so on which hundred thousands of people will see on youtube!)

I mean, I ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND HER, no one wants to see his or her love being in a bath with someone else BUT THIS IS A JOB, MY JOB and only that! IT IS A JOB and everything was very professional organized and handled, so I never understand why people take these things so personal that they show how much it botheres them INTO MY DIRECTION. They booked me as a model and actress for this role, they knew my measurements...I hate myself for feeling bad during these moments then, because on one side I think: If you can not handle it professional, leave the set or be in relationship with someone who fits into your version of husband/ wife, boy-/ girlfriend or something else and on the other side I am like: okay, so you booked me, because you thought I am "ugly/ mainstream" (nothing wrong with it at all!!) or why are you so negative to me, just because you think I am more beautiful in your eyes than you see and find yourself?? FOR ME, people who are acting like that really have deep mental issues (and because I know that because I have been there by myself for so many years, I never take it personal or start being arogant or mean). BUT still, it is just so frustrating sometimes for myself being excluded by so many people, because other people think I am too attractive which means for them I WANNA STEAL THEIR BOYFRIENDS????!!!!.............and I am thinking: WHY? WHAT CAN I DO AGAINST MY EYES, FACE, APPERANCE? WHY do people hate me for all the hard work I put into my body, career, character, skills for looking and being like that to create more and more chances for myself for being heard and seen to achieve my highest goals for my life? I don´t get it and I have no idea how many tears I cried because of this! :(

It happens soooooooooooo often to me that I arrive somewhere and the people tell me straight away: you are too attractive, you are too sexy, you are too hot, your eyes look like you are naif and your face looks fake !

WHY ? :( IT HURTS ME SO MUCH !!! I am born with that face and I never thought that it would be the reason for getting discriminated, I mean, I even left my little scar to show the world that I care about other things than looking perfect!! I wanna become a role model, SI swimsuit model, an actress, a writer and a mommy :) ...... I usually never wear any make up, I wear boyfriend clothes and I am the most relaxed person ever BUT EVEN THOUGH I would wear all the girly stuff, WHO THE FUCK CARES ? I feel discriminated! SERIOUSLY ! Especially in acting (at least for now, where I have no real good footage, experience and so on...) it is so f*cking hard to even get a chance showing what I am capable of and how hard I am willing to work for getting there, if no one wants you, because you are too attractive at first sight. I hate these norms and prejudices so much. Just because you are pretty in someones eyes does not mean you are silly, arrogant, have an easy life, are healthy, sporty or what ever !! IT MEANS NOTHING !!

YOU, ME, WE, we all can´t say something about someone personally, if we do not know the person PERSONALLY !! ALl these prejudices seriously make absolute non sense and even worser, they destroy and hurt other people´s life forever !! Imagine how thousand of people suffer EVERY SINGLE DAY from these toxic bullshit norms !! I

HOPE SO MUCH THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO CHANGE THE MINDSETS FOREVER !! And honestly, I hope so much that I become a part of the SI team, because I would not be afraid to keep my voice up and fight for it WHILE being as attractive as I wanna be, showing the world THAT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO and still having a brain, business and a good character WHILE being half naked on the cover of a magazine !! The connections between two or three things people created over the last years, make so often no sense at all.

AND I WANNA SHOW HOW USELESS THEY ARE BY MYSELF !!

With so much hope, love and gratitude as always and forever,

Jen <3

What about UNISEX modeling? #creatingachange

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 14:29:07 GMT

UNISEX modeling #creatingachange

Hi my loves!

I finally have the courage to talk about one of my craziest dreams. Even though I look very feminin, because of my long hair, big breast and kinda hourglas shape, I like everything androgynous. Oversized jackets, boyfriend jeans, boots and masculin styles. I am absolutely the opposite of almost all the girls I know. I am not interested in make-up (even though I like the looks you can create with it, especially angular faceshapes with contouring!), I usually never wear dresses (the wedding one was a must, because I was a brides made and this was the dress code!) and I do not own a single pair of high heels. My underwear is the most basic you can probably imagine and I just feel the most comfortable in my own skin, when I am wearing men´s clothes, not glammed-up. I have one bra, which I never wear. I love basic clothes and colors (black, white, grey, khaki and beige), I am obsessed with rings for the fingers and my ears, I love hand tattoos and I defiantly want more tomboy clothes- Second hand for sure, but still. Simplicity is my life. It is one of my biggest dreams, to walk a fashion show with all the male models for men´s clothes. I can only imagine how much fun it would be and how cool I would feel.

Of corse, I am owning women´s clothes. I have a highlighter pallet and sometimes I force myself to wear a flower shirt, but every single time I did it, I thought: "fu*k, why did I not keep my oversized hoodie with shorts and boots on?", or just a basic white shirt with a biker skirt (biker skirts are okay, I sometimes find they look cool on me). I hate lipstick and the last time, I was on a shopping trip is more than two years ago (even though I have my bucket list, with some items I almost can´t wait anymore to buy as soon as I can affort them!!). Anyway, I feel weird. and I struggle with my inner feelings a lot.

I mean for sure, it also depends where I am and what kind of people I have around me, but I seriously wanna come to that point, where I do not care, how I might appear for other people. I get SO EXCITED when I start thinking about the UNISEX MODELING. Just to make that clear here: I love being a woman and I do not want to become a man, I just wanna be a woman doing a lot of men´s things in this industry. I was also thinking about how I can combine my vision of myself with the SI Swimsuit, until I decided to see what might happen and let go until then. Of corse I am wearing bikinis or bathing suits, but honestly, I feel the most comfortable being naked. I never had a bikini or a suit in which I felt really comfortable.

The reson why I am telling you this is, because after I saw some Sports Illustrated girls, who made the swimsuit brunch, I was like: "wow, they all look soo good and feminin. They have make up on, hair and nails done and so on and Idk, I started to get a bit insecure about myself and how you all would might react if you see my basic b*tch ass walking into the room :p looking super normal, not dressed up, probably just a white shirt, blue shorts and black boots. I know it is probably not necassairy to talk about it at all, but I really feel like my time during the SI community changed me, while all these ladies together are changing the industry. In the two and a half months, we shared our fears, dreams and motivation, so I wanted to face my fear here and be honest with you.

I am nervous. But I will click on the "post" button right now. I love you!

x, Jen <3

Be the role-model your younger self needed #creatingachange

355c5e24-c2c9-4980-a3d7-01b36fe4b56b (Jenni Lalk) — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 14:13:13 GMT

Be a real role model for the younger generation #creatingachange

HELLO EVERYONE ! <3

These are some topics I want to make more common, accepted, respected and popular in this world:

1. the importance of MENTAL HEALTH,

which means, getting rid of wrong, toxic and unhealthy values to be free for focusing on the RIGHT VALUES. Also, to learn how to REDUCE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS on a daily basis and to replace them with positive, healthy and simply beautiful ones. How to overcome depression, fears, doubts and anxiety is also something, I want to keep my voice up for, because I can only imagine how many people suffer in silence with all these problems, because they feel ashamed and are too afraid that society might reject them. Another thing, I wanna fight for is the reduction of societies pressure in relation to our bodies, but also in relation to our chosen way of living. Everyone should be respected for their individual choice of how they wanna life their lifes!

I experienced it myself how people judge me, because I did not want to finish my engineering and economics studies. Every single time I told "them", that I have different plans, that I wanna become someone who changes the world, working as an actress, a writer, role-model and speaker, people laughed about me and shaked their heads. "You are so smart Jenni, why are you waisting your intelligence and youth for something impossible?". I struggled six years with all the rejection until I took my head up and started to answer like this: "Because only the people who are crazy enoug to think they can create a change, are the ones who will actually do it!".

And I know, that I made it even harder for me to be heard or seen, since the day I deleated all my social media accounts. But you know what? I truly believe in hard work, discipline, faith and patience. I think, that if you really want it, you will get it. And the reason why I decided to deleate it all, was because I dealt with all the things I mentioned below and the only way to heal myself and to find that inner strength you need to succeed was, to let go. And now, one and a half year later, I understand why I had to do it and trust me, I was so addicted to it, that I was not realizing what I was missing the most: my REAL life and inner connection to my own self, because I put all of my thoughts into Instagram, taking pictures, using filters, that even if I was in a restaurant with friends, I was only thinking about conversations or other people´s lifes from social media. (I do not think that everyone is like that and I also truly believe that social media can have a huge positive impact to this world. For me, personally, it was toxic and I was not able to use it the way it should be used for.) . You can believe me when I tell you, that a hundred people already told me, that I will never make it without creating an instagram account again. And two times back in the past, I got insecure and created an account and every time I felt back into my bad habits and got sick even though I loved to support others via social media, but I truly believe that there is a way for me in this world where I will be seen, heard and able to support without managing my own account. And even if no one ever understood, how I can love to perform, act and model infront of a camera and still not being able to manage a healthy social media balance, I stayed true to my self and the values I want to be a role model for. I guess, we all have something other people will never understand, but instead of following their imagination of yourself, believe in your values, fight for your dreams and show everyone that you can make it NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY!! <3

2. the struggle with EATING DISORDERS and how to overcome the cyrcle:

As you might know already, I dealt with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating in a combination with an unhealthy sport addiction, toxic food restrictions and the fear of eating processed food. I filmed a 15 minutes video in relation to these topics, even though I could defiantly talk about it for months. There is so much I have to say about this topic, that I don´t even really know where to start. If you are interested in it or made experiences yourself, I would prefer to start a huge conversation where we can intercharge our exeriences and advices on how to escape that cyrcle. If you are more interested in how I dealt with it and how I found out how to heal myself from it, feel free to ask me. You can be sure, I will try everything to give you the courage and strength to allow yourself to let go. Believe me, I also thought FOR YEARS it is impossible, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE and once you really want to change, you will change! As simple as it might sound, but you can overcome an eating disorder by learning how to deal with it and how to trigger yourself to not fall back into it. It will take time and especially at the beginning, you will fall back into old habbit sometimes, but with time, you will see that the distances between every fall-back will get longer and longer and believe me, the time is so worth it, because with every months you fight for your health, you will become more free and happy than ever before! So if you want start this journey, I will support and help you, if you let me.

3. the importance of HEALTHY FOOD and an ACTIVE LIFE:

For me, all the four topics I mentioned are important for becoming a healthy, happy and strong person. So it is for sure absolutely necessary to have an eye on the things we open our mouth for. If you are asking yourself now how does this fit together without falling back into toxic food restrictions? The answer is: education. Learn something about nutrition and food, because then you will have a reason for eating better and being a more active person. It will all come naturally to you, because you see how good it is for your mind, body and soul and then once you started to eat better you will feel better so quick and then you go! Am I eating my birthday cake, pizza or ice cream during summer? OF CORSE! I AM A HUMAN BEING and BALANCE IS THE KEY for everything in life! Don´t restrict anything you really like, but start to use your brain when it comes to your daily food intake or meal preperation. It is a good reminder to aks yourself: "Is this meal nutriting my body, mind AND SOUL? If yes, go for it, if not, check what you could change to create a more healthy but still SUPER DELICIOUS, SOUL-SATISFIEING and FULLFILLING MEAL! Because, counting calories my darling, is so old fashioned and not necessary at all any more. If you are interested in breakfast, lunch, dinner or yammy snack meals, let me know, because I can cook some really nice food, with all the nutritions our body needs and I would love to show you some of them ! <3

4. SPIRITUAL EDUCATION and SELF CARE:

Last but not least, I want to talk a bit about the importance of spiritual awarness and education, no matter if you believe in god or not. For my well-being, I found out that it is so facilitative and refreshing to believe in something "bigger", that everything will fall into path and that we can only manage a small part compared to this whole universe. To be honest, I started praying daily this year in april, because I was so desperated during the time I stuck in the house on the texican farm, not knowing how I will ever make any money with my passions after I spend everything for Los Angeles to realize my dreams with SI and acting there and then covid kicked in and I had to spend my last 2000 dollars for my back-to-germany-ticket...And what can I say? Since I started praying it feels like I am coming closer and closer to my inner self and suddenly I am able to see everything I want so crystal clear that I do not want to stop praying even though I am feeling so much stronger and better already. I think it is so important to take a break during the day, no matter if it is in the morning, afternoon or evening, to meditate, pray or simply do something ONLY FOR YOURSELF. Otherwise, at least that is what I experienced in our crazy and super fast 21 century, you start to slowly lose the connection to your inner self and with this process you will finally end up not knowing anymore who you are, what you want and who you wanna be. And that is the point, where the whole depression, unhappy cyrcle of life can start over and over again and that is what we do not want anymore! NEVER EVER AGAIN! So darling, it is not selfish, it is necessary to take care and time for yourself if you want to be happy and 100% aware and present during your day. I know you are a superoman already and therefore, please promise me to look after yourself before you are that bad ass boss babe which I know you are every single day!

ps: the make-up artist covered my scar with camouflage? on my picture below, but I don´t have the one without it, so I hope that is okay.

I love you so much and I am grateful for your time<3

with so much love and hope as always,

Jen <3

What I thought I have to be vs. WHO I REALLY AM #creatingachange

Mon, 12 Oct 2020 13:16:56 GMT

Fake face-tune filter Face vs. 5 minutes after a good night of sleep face :p

Hello from Germany to all my amazing people from everywhere <3

From the bottom of my heart, I wish everyone an amazing day fullfilled with so much love, happiness and of some of the craziest dreams! :p

To be honest with you, this post costs me so much courage, that I was at least thinking half an hour or I guess it was even more, if I am really able to post this. For you, this are probably "just two different" pictures, but for me, when I am looking at the photos, all the memories in relation to the one on the left come back into my head. I was 22 back then and the picture on the right is my 24 year old self this morning, almost right after I woke up, with my gym clothes on, because today is leg day.

(And I do not know what is happening to my body, but since I started to open up to other people about my past, my body changed a lot and I am feeling better with every single day. You have to know, that, because of the travelling and living in so many different parts of the world and because my life is super different compared to the life of my old friends, that I lost many friendships, so it is so nice for me, to found an opportunity to kinda connect with other people again. I mean we never know what could happen after we took the first steps towards the right direction..).

But let´s get back to the girl on the left, posing for the 467238064 thousand Instagram picture, feeling super uncomfortable, trying to hide her inner hippie-self with fake lashes, fake tan, fake nails, fake hair, so much make-up on and a super short dress (nothing against short dresses at all!!). When I am looking at the picture, I do not see myself there, because on the inside, I was always like the girl on the right. Too much carrying, too vulnerable, too sporty, too basic and too honest. I mean, I grew up on a farm with two younger brothers, I never was that typical girl, you know? I am simply not interested in most of the things the women around me are interested in, so I always felt super weird and lost and lonely..

To be honest, my parents always took it for guarented that I can manage my own life, because I am the oldest one (I love them to death and I do not want to complain at all), but since I am 7 years old, my little brothers got almost every minute of their attention and I had to figure out all of my problems on my own. When I got older, I was the big sister, a tutor, a cab driver, doctor, cook, therapist and so on, so basically, I was trying to get my stuff together, figuring out how I can follow my purpose, while I was dealing with my eating disorders, studying and working in two different jobs besides solving my brothers life problems, too, because of the divorce of my parents.

Anyway, I felt so lonely and it was all a way too much for me to handle and too less of the "things" EVERYONE needs, which is love and attention from the right people. So, when I started to train and to publish my first pictures on Instagram, I suddenly got some attention. People started to be interested in my daily life and it kinda helped me to fight against my inner emptiness. I started to create the person you see on the left, to hide my inner self, because I always thought, I am not enough, I am too ugly, no one could ever really like me and so on. During this process, I became a person, I was not able to identify anymore. Every single time I was looking in my eyes in the mirror, I saw my real soul and all the things I really need and they had nothing to do with the things I was doing every single day. I was living a life which was not mine at all, but I still thought, that is the only way to make it out of here. I was burned-out and because of all the things I had to do and decided to do on a daily basis, I was just running around like a crazy person without any idea where I was actually running to. September the 14th 2018 was the day my mom married her new boyfriend without telling me about it. I received a whatsapp massage, which she sent to all of her phone contacts. During this time, I was living in her house, with her boyfriend, my grandmother and herself and she was not telling me that she is going to marry him! I am getting emotional right now, because that day is almost exactly two years ago from now and that is also exactly the time between these two pictures below.

On September 14th 2018 I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I decided, that my life is important, too and that I have the right of living and creating a life I really want to be a part of. All the years before, I always had to put myself into the last row, my parents were not able to help me financially to fight for my dreams (and to be honest, they never believed in me and were always against everything I really wanted). I guess, they wanted to kinda keep my small, because I was managing so many things back then at home.

Anyway, with 22 years, I sold all the stuff I had, quitted my jobs, cancelled my university and jumped into the plane to Australia. Only my brothers and my clostest friends knew about it. I told no one, because I knew, they would do anything to stop me from finally living the life I want. Even more, the life I needed so bad, to get back to my own roots, to relieve myself from all the pressure, doubts, fears and all the stress. As you can imagine, it was hard, especially because I am such a super sensitive and loving person and even though I knew I had to do it if I want to save my own life, It broke my heart into 1000 pieces, knowing how hard I have heard my mom, my dad and my grandmother. (During that time, I had no contact with my dad at all. We were not speaking for six years after the divorce. But now everything is better between us than ever and I love him so much!!). I left long letters for my mom and my granny. Today, they understand why I did what I did and they forgive me. <3

I am sorry, I kinda lost the message I wanted to tell you, but everything I have in my mind now is: BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE and do not hide your true self, because you are afraid of not being accepted for who you are. You have the right to be happy and to live the life you need to be truly happy. And I mean, look at the girl on the right side of the picture, her eyes are smiling (yeah I know I still look a bit sleepy, but I am such an early bird so.. :p).

Thank YOU for giving woman like me the chance to open up to other people. I love you all so much and I wish you nothing else, but a happy, lovely and amazing life <3

With hugs for everyone,

Jen <3

Jennifer Lalk

Why I will never ever stop dreaming! #creatingachange

Never ever stop believing in miracles, because they will turn into your reality if you never stop working towards your dreams !

OUR TOXIC BEAUTY STANDARDS

HOW DANGEROUS IT TRULY IS

PLEASE DREAM BIG

YOU CAN AND WILL HAVE IT ALL ! <3

MY PAST LIFE EXPERIENCES

How was my past and what has it all done with me?

some extra MOTIVATION

Thoughts and actions. How to think and act in real life?

work in progress

"IF we truly want to change this world, then we need to start (w) here it all began: INSIDE OF US." - The Awareness Raising Revolution for the Century in Independecy

CR3AT!NG - the art of creating art

VEGAN HAIRSPRAY ???

F3male Coffee-Addict

WHAT IS ART? WHAT IS FEMININE? WHAT IS?

My Book: CAPTIVITY in the 21th CENTURY

CAPTIVITY CENTURY?! #creatingachange for THE 21th CENTURY OF INDEPENDENCY! <3

I wanna deliver outstanding acting performances on screen!

I wanna deliver outstanding performances on screen!

How I finally got confident!

How I finally got confident ! #creatingachange

How does it feel to grow up in a toxic world?

How does it feel like to grow up in a toxic world?

Why I had a breast surgery at the age of 21 #creatingachange

Why I had a breast surgery at the age of 21 #creatingachange

Why do we judge so much and have prejudices? #creatingachange

Why do we judge so much and have prejudices? #creatingachange

How beautiful people suffer from discrimination #creatingachange

How beautiful people suffer from discrimination #creatingachange

What about UNISEX modeling? #creatingachange

UNISEX modeling #creatingachange

Be the role-model your younger self needed #creatingachange

Be a real role model for the younger generation #creatingachange

What I thought I have to be vs. WHO I REALLY AM #creatingachange

Fake face-tune filter Face vs. 5 minutes after a good night of sleep face :p

"IF we truly want to change this world, then we need to start (w) here it all began: INSIDE OF US." -
The Awareness Raising Revolution for the Century in Independecy

CAPTIVITY CENTURY?!
#creatingachange for THE 21th CENTURY OF INDEPENDENCY! <3